For Buffalo sports fans: A long-winded diatribe, followed by a modest proposal

I sometimes wonder if the sports gods just really love messing with us. By “us,” I’m talking about Buffalo sports fans. Think about it. In the past year, we’ve watched:

• an overhyped 4-0 Bills team lose their starting quarterback and the ability to win.
• Dick Jauron receive a three-year extension (three years!) (THREE YEARS!).
• the Sabres trot out another wimpy, speed-and-finesse-based team, while all indications from around the NHL pointed toward the game becoming more defense- and size-oriented.
• Sabres management assuring us that said team was built for a Stanley Cup run.
• an excrutiating Monday Night Football loss to the hapless Cleveland Browns, on an impossible last-second field goal by a mediocre kicker.
• the Bills play a “home game” (against the archrival Miami Dolphins, I should add) in Toronto, a city rumored to be the franchise’s future home.
• an injury to Sabres goalie Ryan Miller derail any playoff hopes.
• the hated Boston Bruins and Miami Dolphins turn things around much faster than we Buffalonians have come to believe possible.
• our Pittsburgh foes celebrate world championships five months apart in our two professional teams’ sports, and then, maybe even worse, had to listen to our Pittsburgh-fan friends gloat about it.
• fellow Bills fans scoop up season tickets at the same levels as the Super Bowl years because the team, in a brilliant marketing move (believe me, I can’t believe I’m using the word “brilliant” to describe an action of Bills management), signed a single player, the outspoken wide receiver Terrell Owens.
• our Bills manhandle an obviously better New England Patriots team during a nationally televised MNF game, giving us even more false hope for the 2009 season, only to have everything unravel with a kickoff-return fumble.
• Dick Jauron and Russ Brandon keep their jobs, despite another 7-9 season, then a 1-4 start to the 2009 season that has left no hope for success in the near (or far) future.
• the Bills’ 91-year-old owner show no interest whatsoever in fielding a winning football team (I have no reservations about stating that as fact).

And that’s just off the top of my head. I’m sure, with more time and research, I could double, maybe triple, the size of this list.

It’s immediately apparent that things are skewed toward the Bills’ side of the scale. That’s what happens when a team hasn’t made (and won’t make) the playoffs this decade. ESPN columnist Bill Simmons often writes about things entering “The Tyson Zone,” the point at which you’ll believe anything, real or made-up, about a subject (it’s named after the actor from The Hangover). Folks, the Buffalo Bills are in The Tyson Zone. Tomorrow, if you told me Ralph Wilson had fired Dick Jauron, named himself as head coach and moved all remaining home games to Toronto, I would sincerely believe you. That’s what a joke this franchise has become. How any of us are still fans is beyond me. We buy the tickets (all of them), watch the games, give them our undying support, and get shit on. It’s sports’ version of Chinese water torture.

So how are the sports gods maybe messing with us? Well, the Sabres are unbeaten, and they’re looking damn good. Tonight they manhandled a Red Wings team (down a few key players, I’ll concede) that has skated circles around them for years. Miller is playing like an elite goaltender. All four lines are rolling, creating turnovers, playing big and buzzing around the net all the time. None of the goals tonight were of the “pretty” variety, and I couldn’t be happier to say that. For two playoffless years, we’ve been inundated with pretty goals while the team blows chances with juicy rebounds, empty nets and shots through traffic with screened goalies. It’s about time we see pucks flying at the net from every angle and rebounds getting slammed home. Everything the Sabres did tonight made me forget what a shitty year it’s been to be a Buffalo sports fan.

And yet, the Buffalo sports fan in me won’t let me get overly excited. After all, this team is a key injury or two away from being the Phoenix Coyotes. The defense is relying on two second-year players and a 19-year-old rookie. Tim Connolly has a bad habit of getting season-ending injuries. We’ve been led down this road so many times before, I can’t help but be skeptical of success when it comes to Buffalo sports. Since they all have at some point, when will this bubble burst?

So here’s what I propose to my fellow Buffalo sports fans: throw what’s left of your support for the Bills and throw it behind the Sabres. They’re our only hope at this point. If you were planning on buying a Bills ticket, buy two Sabres tickets instead. Buy a Vanek jersey rather than an Edwards one. Go hoarse booing Sidney Crosby, not Tom Brady. Make every game at HSBC Arena feel like a playoff game.

It’s only four games into the season, but something feels right about this underdog Sabres team. Like 2006-07 all over again. Sure, we’re probably setting ourselves up for failure, but that’s the definition of being a Buffalo sports fan.